The majesty of the forest in autumn never ceases to calm my mind. The worst of the heat has passed us for the year and we can all breathe deep the clean, crisp air of morning. Dew coats the surface of the world like a fine mist and a warm cup of coffee once again takes its rightful place at my side. Those that claim their favorite season as anything but the sweaters, hot drinks, chilly air, and changing leaves of autumn are most undeniably suspect.

             It’s October, my favorite time of year at Whitebark National Reserve. I stood in the shade of a pine tree, sipping at my thermos. The coffee from the office is serviceable at best, but I don’t like to complain. This cup was the second of the day, and one I drink simply out of habit. The jeep parked fifty yards back on the dirt road held the remains of the Dunkin’ Donuts large. That’s the one that truly wakes me up every morning. Barista Bob always laughs when he asks me what I want every morning from behind the counter. Are Dunkin employees called baristas? Donut masters? Diabetes deliverers?

             “How is she?” Lucas asks next to me.    

             “You tell me how she looks, Lucas,” I say. I see the pack clearly through my binoculars. Then again, this isn’t my test.

             Lucas rocks his weight from one foot to the next as he mulls for his next words. He’s the “kid”, the “rookie”. The latest eager park ranger in Whitebark. Every question I ask him always seems to need a few extra moments to be answered.

             The boy’s quiet. He talks little, but asks much. If that makes any sense at all. It’s a quality that I, his mentor, find quite refreshing. I‘m a patient man, but dislike having to repeat myself.

             The kid’s eye is in the scope of their rifle. The more comfortable he gets holding that thing the better. I only ever needed to fire that thing a few times in my career, but when I did, I was glad I knew how. Lucas will be, too. If it ever comes to that. I lower the binoculars and let the strap hold them loosely against my chest. I saw everything I need, and the sight brings a sigh of relief.

             “She looks well,” Lucas whispers, “The wound looks great, she’s moving well? Will she be her usual self again?”

             I took another swig of the coffee. “Rose is always her usual self. Don’t ever think that one has a weak moment. That’s a matriarch, and her cubs are her life. Stand against her pack, or at least in a position where she thinks you’re against her pack and she’ll tear you apart.” I lower the thermos down to my waist and looked out at a familiar shape moving in the distant tree line. “I love that wolf.”

             “You’re an odd man, Jason. Didn’t she bite you the other day?” Lucas asks. His voice barely above a peep.

             “Bah, that was barely a scratch. I might’ve overestimated my relationship with Rose, that’s all.” The wound on his hand flared up at its mention. The itching is the worst part of it now. “And stop whispering, for god’s sake. She can’t hear you from out here. Why else do you think you’re watching her from behind a scope?”

             “Um… protection?” The kid asks.

             I smile at that one. These damn kids. “Lucas, if the pack wanted you dead, do you really think a bolt-action M220 rifle would keep you safe?”

             The boy jerks his head back and looks over the weapon. He’s probably off daydreaming about a heroic standoff against the pack.

             I take a glance behind his shoulder. The thermos begins to tremble in my hand; sending little droplets of coffee all over my hand. Lucas snaps out of his daze just in time to see a look of pure horror sweep across his boss’s face.

             “Clever girl,” I gasp.

             Lucas snaps his head around, scanning the forest for any signs of movement. He turns back and looks at me with shock and bewilderment. “What is it?! What do you see?”

             “You’ve got to be kidding? Clever girl. Muldoon. Jurassic… Never mind. When did that stop working for you guys? How old are you?”

             Lucas stood up straight before his answer like his next words were a huge source of pride., “Nineteen.”

             “Oh, fuck me. When did kids stop loving dino-?”

             The sound of a cello rings out from my pocket. Bach’s Cello Suite. A piece that perfectly mirrors the solemn serenity of the forest. I meant to silence it. I always silence it when I’m out in the field.

             I answer it without checking the ID. I know who the song is for. Victoria had insisted upon it. “Yeah, babe.”

             “Have you left yet?” Victoria asks. The white noise of other people’s conversations echoes in the background. She isn’t even bothering with terms of endearment today. This’ll be fun.

             “Just wrapping things up. We’re driving back to the center now,” I motion towards the direction of the jeep and Lucas nods.  

             “Please don’t be late, Jason. They’re getting things ready and I need you here for me.” Her tone has about as much warmth in it as my three-hour old coffee.

             Her book release party is rapidly approaching. That means that soon I’ll have to put on the damn monkey suit and make small talk with her friends. I’d rather take on the wolves. At least I know why they’re trying to bite my head off.

             “I’ll get changed and be out of here soon, I promise.”

             “You better.”

             The line went dead. A bitter send off. I would’ve said ‘I love you’ if she’d given me the chance. The itch in my hand flares up, and I instinctively clench my fist to stave it off. I need to resist the urge to scratch, otherwise it’ll never get better.

##

             The hot water of the shower was proving not only revitalizing to my wounded hand, but my mood as well. The nagging pain relieved a bit and when I finished, I even felt some of my uneasiness about the party tonight wash away.

             Booze. Food. Music. Friends. Albeit not my friends, but I’ll take what I can get. By the time I approached my locker and pulled out my suit, I was feeling dangerously close to excited.

             Nothing puts a smile on my face faster than a hot shower, a steak dinner, and some crazy sex. Despite dreaming what craziness could happen with Victoria after the party, I was actually more excited at the notion of the steak. The party was at a little classy joint on the outskirts of town. They damn well better know to cook a good New York strip.

             Make it rare.

             “Of course. People who order well done steaks should be taken out back and shot.” I answer.

             Who knows what’s going to happen tonight? Maybe after the party Vic will be in such a good mood that I might even get some of that crazy sex out of it. Lord knows it’s been a while.

             Hope the bitch is worth it.

             “She’s just stressed from…” I stop short of answering.

             Who the fuck said that? This is a small locker room and I can say with absolute certainty that no one else is here.

             “Hello?” I ask. I’m feeling absolutely ashamed at how pathetic my voice sounds.

             No answer. That’s fine. I’m just insane, it’s nothing to worry about.

             I practically ran out of there. The empty locker room was beginning to feel a bit cramped.  

##

              I smile as I grab my keys. Anytime I can pull something from my inside jacket pocket makes me feel like James Bond. Usually, the only thing I reach for on my way to the car is a stick to clean the shit off my boots. This was a welcome change.

              Spineless child.

              That asshole from the locker room followed me outside to the parking lot?

              You’ll never stand up to her.

              A cold breath upon my neck sends a shiver down my spine. I turn around in a flash but see nothing but the empty dirt patch we used as a parking lot. A gentle breeze kicks up a few leaves at my feet.

              “What the fuck?” I whisper. There was no one there; there was no one in the locker room either. That voice felt so real, though. Could this all just be a prank?

              I force myself to breathe. Apparently, I’d forgotten to do so. All workaholics begin to hallucinate voices at some point, right? I can’t possibly be alone in this psychotic breakdown?

              I pull out the phone from my other pocket. I didn’t feel so much like a secret agent anymore. Six-fifteen. Good, I still have all the time in the world.

              The car isn’t a far walk. I make it to the door in only a few panicked strides. The keys fumble in my hands and I drop them the moment I try to unlock it.

              After rising to pick them back up I hear a deep breathing above me. Teeth, and a dark furred snout come into the top of my vision. Its breath is hot and a loathsome stink of blood and death permeates inside.

              Its standing on the roof of my faded-red Ford Explorer. Its black, furry legs were about the only part of it that I can see, that and the quivering maw hovering mere inches from my face.

             My panic was rising to the point of breaking. I couldn’t move. Not that I had any desire to do so. Any fateful twitch on my part could be the final stupid act of my pathetic life. Yet, every ounce of my curiosity was screaming at me to take a better look at the animal.

             Who was this wolf? Rose? Murphy? Jody? Ralph? The most alarming thing about this one was that its fur was black. No one knew the animals as well as I did, and I know for a fact that there were no members of the pack with straight black fur.

             A cello rang out in the tense quiet, and the phone in my pocket rumbles away. Shit! Shit! Shit! My hand snaps to my jacket and silences the call. This is it. I’m going to die now! I clamp my eyes shut and await the inevitable.

             Nothing happened. After several tense seconds I realize that the only thing I can hear is my own heart threatening to burst from its confines behind my sternum. I peek up at the car.

             It’s gone. The wolf, my hallucination, or whatever the hell that was; it’s gone. I shudder when I can still smell the stench of blood on the air.

             I wasn’t left alone with my fears for very long. Bach’s Cello Suite sounds in the evening once more. Victoria was never one to be ignored for too long.

             Answer the phone, Jason.

             I fought through the trespass of that voice once more. The phone being brought up to my ear was more automatic than by choice.

             “Hi Vic. I’m leaving now,” my voice is as emotionless as stone.

             “The 95 is a parking lot. Take Winston,” Victoria’s flat, businesslike tone is exactly what I was expecting. That alone is actually comforting.

             Isn’t she bitchy today?

             I had Vic in one ear, and the whispers in the other. I’d be concerned about my own sanity, if I wasn’t too terrified to think.

             She had best watch her tone with us…

             “Jason? Jason?” Vic’s words echoing from a great distance.

             …Lest she get what she deserves.  

             “Jason!” My wife’s scream brings me back to my senses. “Are you even listening to me?”

             I clear my throat and try to bring my voice back to an unalarming tone, “Yes, dear. Sorry, it’s been a day. Take Winston, got it.”

             “Are you ok?” That’s a difficult question to answer.

             “Never better. I’ll see you soon. Bye, babe.” I snap the phone shut despite hearing Victoria still speaking on the other end. I can’t talk to her any longer. Not with both the voices barking in my ears.

             I need to breathe. I only manage a single, deep sigh before my solitude was broken once more. When the voice speaks again it does so with a warm breath that moisten the back of my neck.

             Now drive. Don’t want to leave her waiting for us.

##

             An hour-long drive in quiet serenity is exactly what I needed. The sun was setting and had sent brush strokes of orange, red, and purple across the horizon. It manages to calm my heart for the first time since the hot shower. I even wait an extra moment when the sweet music of that famous cello fills the cabin of my car. Goddamn, I really do love that piece.

             “Yes dear?” I ask. My voice almost sounds pleasant.

             “Well, I guess that means you’re not sitting in traffic.” Victoria says, perhaps a touch resentful.  She sounds like she could use some serenity, herself. “Why aren’t you here?”

             “I’m on Winston, just like you suggested. It’s a long, empty road, Vic. I’m almost there.”

             “Hurry up, Jason. God, I refuse to stand here all night by myself. It’s embarrassing.”

             “I’ll be there soon. Just ask Michael to stand with you. I’m sure he’s there.” If there was ever another soul who understood how to calm the storm that was Victoria, it was her agent, Michael.

             “Of course, he’s here. Unlike my husband.”

             “Sorry Vic, Lucas needed to check on the pack and I wanted to keep an eye on him.”

             “Who the hell is Lucas and why is he more important to you than me? Honestly Jason, do you not get what you do to me?”

             “Babe,” I sigh, and within my own breath I can hear my anxiety rising. “You know you’re the most important thing in the world to me. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

             “Whatever.” Victoria snaps and then then the line goes dead.

             I toss the phone to the empty seat and grip the steering wheel tight. Where was that serenity, again?

             Despite the fading light, I see a glimpse of something on the horizon. I knew what it is the moment the sun’s rays no longer obscure it. I’d spent my entire adult life studying these animals.

             Its black fur is like a blight upon the radiant colors of the setting sun. This one’s too big to be any of those that frequent my park. I would’ve remembered you, big guy.

             The wolf sits upon the shoulder as I pass him. Never once did he stir away from my Ford. These animals have long since stopped being afraid of humans. If I hadn’t caught a glimpse of his eyes staring be down the whole way, I would’ve thought him completely oblivious. There was something odd about those eyes. Something familiar.

             Is this the same wolf that I saw in the parking lot? He certainly looks real enough. Am I still losing my mind?

             As it disappears past me, I decide to take one last glimpse in my rear-view mirror. I immediately regret my curiosity as what I then see is something that’s undoubtedly going to live on in my nightmares forever.

             The face of that wolf is staring straight back at me from the back seat. Snarling and baring teeth that are simply dripping with blood.

             I belt out a scream more primal and real than I ever had in my entire life. Terrified isn’t even close to describing what it was I was currently feeling.

             My horror peaks to a new high as I see the wolf begin to change. Ominous green eyes stare me down while the rest of its body begin to crack and grow. Within seconds it no longer resembled any wolf I had ever seen. It was something bigger, far more grotesque…

             …and sitting in my car.

             A fur covered hand suddenly reaches out and grips its terrible claws into my shoulder. Blinding pain erupts and hot blood pours across my skin. I scream with an agony I had never known possible. The beast tugs back and I both hear and feel my flesh ripping in its grip. My hands are no longer on the steering wheel and the car jerks violently to the side of the road.

             Another tug and I’m no longer in the driver’s seat. My world becomes nothing more than blood, jaws, and tongue. The maw of hell seems to slam shut around me and the remaining light of the sun shimmers off of something next to my face.

             It’s a ring. My wedding ring. Only its stuck onto a severed finger that’s lodged between the fangs of the monster about to swallow me whole.

             Just as the world goes black, something else happens. The uncontrolled car crashes against something solid. I feel a second of weightlessness as I get lifted up from the back seat then time catches up with itself and I get tossed into the dashboard like a ragdoll.

##

             I wake up in complete darkness with my lips kissing the steering wheel.

             All the questions run through my mind. What the hell is happening to me? Where am I? Am I alive? Is this heaven, or hell?

             My car’s nothing more than a broken heap along the tree line. After I unbuckle the seat belt, I lean on the front door and it gives way completely. The damp grass breaks my fall and sends an agonizing wave of pain through every limb of my body.

             “Ah!” I scream, but get interrupted by a fit of coughing. The moisture on the grass fills my mouth but all I can taste is blood.

             Summoning up my strength, I reach up to check my shoulder. The bones inside ache when I touch it, but otherwise there’s no other damage. No broken skin, and no blood. I bring up my hand to the dim light of the moon and see the silhouette of my wedding ring, and my finger. Right where they should be. Is this what going insane is really like?

             Rise and shine, Jason.

             “What the hell is happening to me?” I ask of the lonely night air.

             I’m setting you free.

             “I am free.”

              I reach for my phone but can’t find anything in my pockets. It must still be in the car. Finding it is going to be almost impossible. There’s hardly any light at all.

              The venue has got to be close by now. A mile maybe? I could walk it. That, or flag down the next car. I just need to get up.

             Pain answers me with even the slightest movement, but its manageable. It’s not going to stop me tonight. If I’m going to go mad, let it at least be while I’m trying to do the right thing.

              You’ll never be free of her leash.

              “She loves me, and I love her.” My voice is pathetic. Feeble and broken. My lungs scream at me for asking them to work enough to talk.  

              You’re late. Do you think she’ll embrace you with open arms? You failed her. Again.

              “She’ll forgive me.”

              She never forgives you. Even this will be your fault to her.

              “Victoria’s not heartless.” Who am I talking to?

              No, not yet.

              Every step makes my legs ache. Every breath feels as if my lungs are getting heavier and heavier. She needs me there. She said so. What kind of husband would I be if I let her down again?

##

              The party’s packed. Finely dressed guests sip at their champagne and laugh insincerely to each other. Even their glasses are actual crystal stemware. I’m horribly underdressed for all this. I had tossed aside my jacket half a mile back as it was only weighing me down. I wonder if James Bond ever had to do that when he was being chased by imaginary demons?

             Hors d’oeuvres being handed out by impeccably behaved servers also wearing outfits more expensive than my car. What was left of it, anyway. A string quartet sets the ambiance of a true aristocratic festivity.

              I know I must look like hell. Every time I look down at myself, I sigh. Blood, dirt, grass stains, and patches of clothes hanging on by a thread. I can’t go in like this. They’ll think me mad.

             Despite the unbelievable pain of doing so, I laugh. Attaboy, at least I’m having fun.  Maybe I can signal Vic from a window or something.

              She’s going to kill me if anyone sees me like this. Then again, she’s probably going to kill me anyway. Its best to avoid the judging eyes of her guests for now. I just need to find her.

              Victoria smokes when she’s nervous. Her husband abandons her on her big day and doesn’t answer his phone when she calls is probably reason enough to be nervous. There’s an alleyway that leads to the back of the building. It seems like a good enough place to check for my wife.

              I hobble my way down the narrow road. The mile or so walk did not help the aching in my bones. All I really want to do is walk inside, order a double whiskey, and collapse on the bar. Vic comes first though. She at least needs to know that I’m alright. I hope I can get to her before she calls 9-1-1. Then again, maybe a rush visit to the hospital is a good idea.

              No. Victoria first. Then whiskey. Then hospital.

              I near the corner leading to the back and I hear voices above the music and clamor from inside. Someone’s nearby and it sounds like it’s a woman. Please god, let it be Vic. If I take another step I might pass out.

              The sight I see is one that unnerves me deeper than anything else I’d witnessed that night. Up against the back wall is my wife, with Michael pressing himself firmly against her body. The straps of her slinky black dress are pulled down and the bastard was suckling at her neck.

              She’s not worried about me. She doesn’t even care what I’ve gone through this night. I almost died. I’ve lived through hell to get here tonight. This is my reward? 

             Victoria could see me if she but opens her eyes. She doesn’t though, and I get to stand watching her betray me for what seems like an eternity. It’s always the worst moments in your life that never seem to end.

              A cello’s deep, melodic tunes play from the window. All it makes me think of is Bach’s masterpiece that has been guiding me through the entire night. A night of hell. One that ends in the only way that it could’ve for me. In pain.

             I watch as Michael hikes up her dress and begins fumbling at his belt. My heart simply stops beating. The devotion I have for that woman stops at that one crushing moment. My sympathy is gone. The guilt of weighing her down with my own problems fades away in a whimper. All I want to do in that moment is find a hole to crawl into and die.

              My hand brushes something soft. I look down and see a familiar face. The wolf that has accompanied me throughout every painful moment of that night is standing before me. My haunting ghost has returned. Yet, for the first time, I’m not afraid.

              There’s nothing monstrous about this animal. I can’t believe I had been so terrified of it all night. Its beautiful.

              The wolf begins to growl, but the hostility is not directed at me. His fangs appear beside twitching lips, and I feel the hatred radiating from within the animal like a fire.

             It looks up at me with emerald green eyes; the same color as my own. That’s when I realize what it has been trying to tell me. Black hair and green eyes.

             We are the same.

              The wound on my hand erupts in a blaze of stabbing pain.

             Let me in! It seeks permission. An invitation.

              I whisper out the words I now know he’s been waiting for, “I yield.”

              My once empty heart absorbs the beast’s malice.

              Yes, don’t fight it.

              Fire courses through my veins and I feel it in every part of my body. I had felt pity before for myself. Now it’s only anger. 

              Give in. It’s happening.

              My bones twist and break, ushering in an avalanche of pain. The change is terrible and glorious.

              My heart will soon beat within your breast.

              Its agony. Pure, unrelenting agony and I realize that I had somehow fallen onto my knees.

              Embrace it, Jason!

              I’m evolving into something new. Something far more divine. A bloodlust overtakes my senses and then everything turns red.

              “I’ll make that bitch burn,” I say in a voice I no longer recognize.

              We’ll make sure of it.

              A final, massive spike in pain occurs and I then I know it has finished. I can feel him inside of me.

              Now we are one.

              I am but a witness in my own body as the wolf takes control. We rise to our feet and I notice how much smaller everything in that alley looks. My wife and her lover are still deep within the throws of passion. They can’t possibly begin to fathom the nightmare that is stepping towards them in the darkness.

              Michael’s end comes quickly. Victoria didn’t even have the chance to scream. Her affair ended that night in a broken, bloody heap. It was the easiest thing I had ever done.

             The last thing she sees is the monster that I have become, staring over her with emerald green eyes, holding her still-beating heart in my hand.

END